ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
