Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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