I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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