I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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