The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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