so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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