I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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