did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
