the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
