We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
