This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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