you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
