Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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