I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
