Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
