I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
