she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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