please come you make the beer taste better
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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