just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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