everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
