dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
