just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.