My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
