I CAN MOONWALK!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping