Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
