My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
