Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
