your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
