I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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