I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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