I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
