Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
