Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
