sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
