I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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