She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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