Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
