I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
