ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
