I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
