how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
