Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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