Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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