The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
