the day after is always just damage control
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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