Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
