I want to have your abortion
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
