Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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