It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
