Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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