Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
