I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
