Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We left an ass print on the piano.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
