"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
