He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
