I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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