Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize