you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
