Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
