i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
