At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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