i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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