just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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