you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize