I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
last night I used snow as a chaser
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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