Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
