i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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