I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
