If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
