I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
