definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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