he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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