in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
