you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
