ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We're too hungover to prance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
