Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
