and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
