Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
