Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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