You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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